This year has been such a rollercoaster and it's certainly flown by. 

We start shooting Muted tomorrow.

I am beyond excited (and tired!) and can't wait to share all of the details that led up to this point. But for now I'm just gonna say God is so good and He has already far exceeded my desire for what this short film could have become.

Oh and in baby news, all is well. :-)

For the last 8 months I've been working on a deal that fell apart earlier this week. The short version is that we (Tara & I) reached out to a well-known actress (she's a series regular who also acts in feature films) whom we read was beginning to transition into directing. We sent her manager the script, she loved it, she met with us (which was SO awesome) and all we had to do was figure out the scheduling. Well since our meeting she's gone on to act in a short, act in a feature, direct her first feature and now her TV show has gone back into production (of which she's recently been offered to direct an episode of as well) so despite all our efforts we just couldn't get around scheduling conflicts. *Sigh* We were SO close! This left me kinda bummed and feeling like last year was a bust until I read this awesome post from my friend DaJuan. Here's a snippet:

"I bet that if you look back to January 2012 you’ll see you are in a much different place than January 2013. Sure you may not be on the tv show you want to be on yet or you did not sign with that new agent you wanted to land — but, it’s COMING. You have to believe that... “REMEMBER THE WINS.” Sometimes we just forget how awesome we are doing and need to be reminded. It helps to keep a list of your accomplishments somewhere visible. Yup, write them down. Call it your 2012 WIN LIST if you like... Anything goes here and hey, it’s your list nobody else has to see it. By doing this you will have a tangible visual to help remind you how far you’ve really come. I’ve said this before, sometimes in our business there aren’t a lot of tangible things to show our accomplishments. This helps calm my anxiety and I can say, oh yeah, I forgot — THAT HAPPENED."

1. Wrote a short
2. Wrote a feature (extended said short)
3. Said feature advanced to the final round of consideration for the 2013 Sundance Screenwriters Lab
4. Established a relationship with the CD's and associates at one of the top casting offices in town via a weekly volunteer position.
5. Joined SAG-AFTRA
6. Met with a HUGE manager with multiple A-list clients 
7. Had lunch with said A-list client of whom I've been a fan of for years and she was every bit as nice and down to earth as I'd hoped she'd be! 
8. Learned that anyone in this industry is accessible - we just gotta get over our fear of reaching out (This discovery was huge for me!)
9. Had 7 auditions
10. Booked the webseries Math to the Rescue and the training video ABLE with Group 1 Productions
11. Booked an industrial for Hertz with High Heat Media
12. Attended 27 networking events
13. Had two successful table reads of my short. The first I organized on my own and had a bunch of friends help me out. The second came months later and was part of a weekly workshop put on by We Make Movies where writers can submit their work for actors to read on stage. Both reads were incredibly helpful in terms of shaping the characters and refining the plot and I made some new friends from the WMM read which is always nice.
14. Did 4 cd/agent/manager workshops
15. Started a monthly goal accountability group
16. Had 15 coffee/lunch dates
17. Opened a business account for our pending production
18. Celebrated my 5th wedding anniversary
19. Found a great & affordable facial cleanser (as someone who's struggled with breakouts all my life, this makes me very happy!)
20. Made my first cake pop sale (yeah I'm a budding baker now, a topic for a later post)

Compiling this list helped me feel SO MUCH BETTER about the last 12 months and served as a good reminder that we're usually a lot harder on ourselves (and our PERCEIVED lack of accomplishments) than we should be. Again, Dajuan:

"Finally it also helps to remember that although you don’t see it sometimes you have just laid brilliant seeds for things to come. Which may not look like much, but down the road when everything comes together so wonderfully it will all make sense."

Amen, amen and amen!

What are your 2012 wins - personal, professional or otherwise? You don't have to share them with the world but write them down somewhere to remind yourself.

We all want the work we're making to be as good as our ambitions but it takes time (and a lot of work) to get there. This video is such a simple yet effective reminder of that.


Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

Click this link if you can't see the embedded video above: http://vimeo.com/24715531

This is EXACTLY how I've been feeling lately! I'm Jennifer and the ballroom dancers all rolled into one...



Got some great things in the works. Don't wanna share until everything is signed and it's a done deal but just know that I'm in a really fantastic headspace right now.  Loving my family, loving my friends, loving my LIFE in general and truly Focusing On The Work as I said I would this year.

Hope you are all doing well.

For the majority of last year I was in a conflicted headspace:

• Happy to deepen friendships that I've made out here while disappointed with some of the friendships I had to let go. 
• Happy to live in LA rather than Long Beach while frustrated to not have a car. 
• Happy to have family support while saddened by Stephen's desire to leave LA. 
• Happy to get auditions for shorts and student films while anxious to get representation and better opportunities. 
• Happy to be self-producing while disheartened by the rising costs of it all. 
• Happy to have a night job while dissatisfied with the amount of family time it requires me to sacrifice. 

But that was all in 2011.

In 2012 I am...

• Thankful for the friendships I have and the lessons learned from those I've lost.
• Thankful for the car we share and the patience to wait until the right time to buy a new one.
• Thankful for my husband's flexibility and understanding especially since I know he misses his family.
• Thankful for the auditions I'm able to get and the industry relationships I'm able to develop on my own while I continue to seek the right people who will be excited to represent me. 
• Thankful for the knowledge gained and the connections made from the projects I've produced and excited for what is in store for those I'm producing.
• Thankful to be receiving unemployment until my job starts back up again so I can take a much needed break and spend more time with my family. 

Basically I have a different mindset. And though I didn't necessarily need to wait until the new year started to begin to think this way, I'm one of those people who loves the freshness that the new year brings. It feels like a clean slate where I can start anew or the first act of a whole new play. It invigorates me and gives me the impetus to make changes in every area of my life. And so, with the new year comes a new mindset where I'm much more focused on the blessings that I have instead of the things I lack. It's a much lighter state of being and one I hope to remain in for the rest of the year.

Day 365: Took a final pass at my goals & action plan after reflecting on the last 364 days. I reviewed my audition tracker and saw that I've had 24 auditions, 4 callbacks, 1 avail and 2 bookings this year. What does that mean? I don't know. Some would say that's a great callback ratio, others would say it's horrible, either way I'm absolutely certain 2012 needs to bring in more bookings for me! Coincidentally I also attended 24 networking events this year which is really quite paltry for someone who absolutely LOVES to be social, meet new friends and reconnect with old ones so that number needs to at least double in 2012. I'm very thankful for all that this year has brought me {especially new friendships & colleagues that I adore} and all that this year has taught me in my role as a wife, mother, actress, writer, producer and friend. I'll roll out my 2012 goals to you all next week but in the meantime much love to you all and have a very Happy New Year!

July 17th marked my 2 year anniversary here in LA. In some ways it feels like I've been here much longer and in other ways I still feel very green. In the last 24 months, here's what I've learned...

*Warning- I haven't written a blog post outside of my daily activity entries in awhile so this is a long one.*

Training
Man if you have the money, do this from the outset! I wish I could've afforded to be in the class that I'm in a long time ago because it's making such a difference. To be able to hone the skills that you have as well as learn new ones on a consistent basis is necessary. Every other professional stays sharp in their skills by doing whatever it is they do on a daily basis. Lawyers, Doctors, Athletes, Musicians, they all work/practice/perform as much as they can to be at the top of their game. Yet Actors, especially those of us just starting out, don't usually get that opportunity to be working for the majority of the year so when you're not working you NEED to be in class if you want to compete with the girl or guy who will be auditioning for the same role as you. Don't fall into the trap of thinking your talent is so great that you can't use some polishing. Please. If you're not working {whether on film, TV or stage}, get in class.

Day Jobs
Of course, if you have no money you can't afford to be in class or to pay for other necessary actor expenses so getting a day job is vital. While I tried my hand at serving, it wasn't for me. I really like people and I want it to stay that way. If, however, you can overlook the incompetence that ignorant, uneducated, drunk, or just plain rude people exhibit from time to time while in a restaurant or bar, then by all means get yourself a serving or bartending job and make it work for you. There's a reason this is the most popular actor gig- it's flexible! There's also catering, temp work, substitute teaching, extra work {though this should be done sparingly if you really want to keep your days free for auditions}, babysitting, tutoring, security guard positions and production work if you can get on the night shift.

I work as a Night Logger/Transcriber for a production company because I happen to type pretty fast and accurately. It started off as a very unstable, on and off gig transcribing one show and has lead to a consistent job transcribing all the shows they produce so that now I only have a few weeks off throughout the year. It's not my dream day job by any stretch of the imagination. It's somewhat tedious. It keeps me away from my family at night when I'd rather be tucking the boys in and spending time with Stephen but it's a means to an end. It helps pay for acting expenses. Hell with the cost of living out here, it helps pay for household expenses! It keeps my days free for auditions. It has weekends off so I can get some family time. I can make-up any days I need to miss for a shoot. And best of all, I have autonomy. No one's looking over my shoulder micro-managing me which I CAN'T STAND! Even my supervisor is an actor, so he gets it. You gotta use the skill set you have to find the job or jobs that will allow you to do what you need to do to make this work.

Auditions
I've certainly learned what is worth my time and what isn't. When I'm notified that I have an audition I read the sides or the whole script if available, to see if it's something that I want to INVEST my time in. If so, full speed ahead. If not, I thank the CD for the opportunity and respectfully decline. This isn't foolproof. Sometimes the sides aren't available until you get there and you realize you wouldn't want to do the part even if they paid you. But other times, the audition experience is exhilarating and it's why we come out here- to have an opportunity to play these roles. At my stage in the game I'm mostly auditioning for student films, short films and ultra low-budget indie films, not to mention commercials. Of course TV is where I wanna be but getting in those audition rooms without representation, while not impossible, is no small feat.

Representation
Speaking of rep, I'm still on the hunt for a good manager and theatrical agent. I knew this would take some time so I'm not concerned at this point but I do know how important and truly helpful having good representation can be. I mean let's face it, there are PLENTY of TV casting offices that I can mail or drop-off my headshot to tons of times and they're still gonna call in the girl who was submitted by her agent or manager. That's just the way it goes. Certainly there are exceptions to the rule but who wants to rely on those odds? Not me. If I wanna play in that sandbox, I gotta get some theatrical rep on my team.

Support
While I have a lot of colleagues that are talented/nice/sweet/whatever, my actual circle of friends has gotten smaller and tighter. People who I thought were friends turned out to be colleagues only and those who I thought I'd never have a deep connection with because of our differences have turned out to be some of the people I love the most {Tara & Lex for instance}. Having friends I can call back in Houston is wonderful {and I wouldn't trade them for the world} but you really do need a tribe out here to survive. You need people who understand the daily grind that you've chosen to put yourself through because they're doing the same. They understand the anxiety and self-doubt you feel from time to time yet they also get that there's nothing else in the world you'd rather do. Their support is invaluable, especially if you're not getting it at home.

Which leads me to the toughest one...

The homefront
My husband loves me. He loves my drive. He loves my ambition. He loves my steadfast determination to pursue something I want until I get it.

What he doesn't love is LA.

He doesn't love that his salary is the same or very close to what he'd make in the south, yet the cost of living is 2 to 3 times more. He doesn't love that $150,000 can buy us a nice house with space and a yard for our boys somewhere in TX while out here it can barely get you a decent condo. He doesn't love that he has to spend a fortune to fly out to visit his parents while he can just take a road trip if we lived closer. He doesn't love that I have very few Christian friends out here who can encourage me in my walk with Christ, while all my friends back in Houston believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and try to share his love with others. Most importantly, he doesn't love that he's been helping me pursue my dream for the last 2 years while neglecting his. In case you're wondering, he wants to be a Pastor.

All of these things I can understand, especially the last one. There's no way I could've come out here and do what I've done without him being by my side and I want nothing more than for him to feel the utter joy that I feel from pursuing what I love most. I just want him to feel it HERE. Because to ask me to leave LA, the one place I physically NEED to be if I'm going to pursue TV & film work when we just got here only 2 years ago... I can't do it. I just, can't.

So there's that.

A lot has happened in 2 years. Some good, some not so good but it's all a part of my "adventure" I guess. And I share it because I know some of you are going through the same things too so this blog is my way of saying you're not alone. Or maybe it's my way of reaching out and hoping that I'm not alone. Either way, hopefully I'll have more exciting stuff to share by Year 3.

Day 146 - 147: Took the weekend off to enjoy my college roomie's wedding. No phone calls or emails that were business related, just fully enjoyed spending time with friends that I haven't seen since this time last year. And I had a wonderful time!

Hey now!

Good food (Pappadeaux) and Good friends!

Me and Tuck

Rehearsal dinner with the bride Shani

Same hair!

Me and my little brother

The absolutely gorgeous bride with her stunning dress & birdcage veil!

Dress Details

Officially Married!

Gorgeous Golden Backdrop

Cheese!

Me & Mommy of the Bride

Jumping the Broom

Me & Arlice- my theatre major buddy

Band Buddies! They played, I danced, and we all had a grand ole time!

Congratulations roomie! You's married now! {Watch The Color Purple if you don't get that last line}

Man it was wonderful seeing my old friends again - laughing, catching up, eating great food and enjoying the awesome Happy Hours that Houston has to offer. Though it was great to reconnect with people who have known me for so long, I laughed at how differently I felt the last time I was in Houston. Last year I wasn't too excited when I came back to Cali because we were living in Long Beach at the time and I was just so lonely and {felt} friendless remember? But this time around I couldn't wait to get back to the hustle and bustle of LA and to people who understand the craziness of this business and yet still want to do nothing else. What a difference a year makes!

Aisha Tyler

Nia Long

Day 78: Described myself as a "hybrid" of two known actresses in a cover letter I wrote for my commercial agent mailings. Since I've never met any of these agents and know more about the overall agencies rather than the individual agents I'm submitting to, there wasn't much personalization I could do here. I did however, include where I've been studying and the fact that I was recently on avail for a commercial. I also included the following:

As we get closer and closer to the end of 2010 {already, really?} I figured it was time for me to take a moment and congratulate myself on the goals I've achieved this year. To kick things off, let's start with a really cute compilation of my facebook status updates in 2010...


My favorite status of the year has to be when we played the question and answer game. For those of you who aren't familiar, your facebook friends would ask you a question in your inbox. You'd then answer that question in your status without mentioning who it was who asked you the question in the first place. The question I loved answering the most was as follows:

Q: If you were single and without children how hard and long would you pursue acting as a career?

A: As long as it takes... which is the same answer that I have now even with the husband and kids. There's no set time. While I'd love to be a series regular on a hit TV show right now, that may not happen for 10 or 15 years. But guess what? I'll still be here trying to make it happen because I have to.

And I really believe that. Having a family doesn't change my goals, it just altars the way I go about attaining them.

Speaking of goals, here's what I accomplished this year...

• Produced my first project: Diary of a Wedding Planner. Though we are far from done, we have gotten 2 episodes shot and online for the world to see.
• Helped produce the pilot episode of the webseries Millie's 101 Things.
• Became SAG-eligible thanks to DWP.
• Booked a regular gig doing interstitials for Santa Monica's City TV.
• Got my first two listings on IMDb.
• Ate much more healthy than I ever have before.

And these are the classes I took...

• Killian's Commercial Workshop (4 weeks) LOVE and will be taking a refresher next year.
• Private Coaching with Amy Lyndon (1 60 min. session) She knows her stuff.
• Self-Management for Actors Seminar aka Class Rules! (5 weeks) Every actor should take this class.

It's the night before my Jayden will start 1st grade {technically it's the morning of} and though I should be asleep my night owl nature has fully kicked in! Instead of sleeping I've been reading a lot of inspiring industry blogs in the last hour or so, mainly from Lesly Kahn & Amy Lyndon, and it's got me revved up. Plus I've had the words from this video ringing in my head since I saw it a few days ago...



Note: Email subscribers can view the video here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5fsm-QbN9r8&feature=related, it's definitely worth taking a moment to watch. I've seen it 5 times now.

After watching that it's kind of hard not to ask yourself, how badly do I really want to be successful? Seriously, how bad do I want it? And what exactly does that "it" really mean to me?

Well I'll tell you, for me "it" means owning a home with a yard for my kids to play in.

"It" means having an emergency fund with a years worth of our salary in case of an actual emergency.

"It" means having good health insurance.

"It" means making a good FANTASTIC living as a working actor.

"It" means being able to proudly answer the dreaded question, "What have I seen you in lately?"

"It" means being able to pay off our student loans and still have disposable income.

"It" means entertaining someone with a performance that makes them laugh.

"It" means touching someone with a performance that makes them cry.

"It" means provoking someone with a performance that makes them think...and then take action.

"It" means being a member of all 3 actor unions.

"It" means being able to write & produce roles for black minority actors that are 3 dimensional.

"It" means being able to visit family who live on the other side of the country without it being a hardship.

"It" means making enough money as an actor that the people who once thought or still think my husband was/is crazy to "follow" me all the way to LA will one day have to eat their words.

"It" means being in a position to speak for people who might not be able to speak for themselves because when they do, they're ignored.

"It" means doing my part to financially and emotionally support my family while still being fulfilled.

How badly do I want it? 
More than I can tell you.
More than I can even begin to try to describe.
Imagine, really wanting success as badly as you want need to breathe? That's hard to truly comprehend. And yet, I agree wholeheartedly with this guy. This industry is not for the weary or for the faint of heart. If I really want the success I *SAY* I want, I've got to do better. I've got to! This is not me beating myself up. This is me just writing the truth.

This means, I've got to submit to more commercial agents. And if I'm still not getting any bites then I've got to get some new headshots!

I've got to get back in class. I've GOT to get back in class!!! It is so clear to me right now that I'm so not ready for a manager or theatrical agent that there's no point in me submitting to any of them anytime soon. Don't get me wrong, I'm very confident in my raw talent & ability but the training I've received from my performing arts high school and my theatre program in college just isn't enough to compete with the level of talent that's out here. LA is the SUPERBOWL OF ACTING people. To attract the kind of representation that I'm targeting I've got to step my game up and get back in class. I've been getting more hours at work lately so I've got to find a way to use the extra income to finish what I've started with DWP and still dig in with new training!

I've got to do something EVERYDAY towards my career and I mean beyond self-submissions. The idea of keeping regular office hours as the CEO of my acting business makes a lot of sense to me. Sure the hours will change on a daily basis but the point is that everyday I'll actively do something to help advance my career. I mentioned before that I need to read more plays anyhow, so reading plays, seeing plays, doing table reads, going on coffee dates, joining acting associations {I'm looking at you Actors Network & Women in Film}, attending networking events & film festivals and of course writing, auditioning and actually BOOKING something all count towards those hours.

Watch the video again, check out part 2 as well and then ask yourself how bad do you want it?

Whatever that "it" means to you.

The great thing about auditioning at Cazt is that you get to see what you looked like after it's over and read feedback from the casting director. The bad thing is that you may not always like what you see or read.

Case in point, I got feedback on the pilot audition that I rocked on Friday and it went a little something like this...

"Good read! Only concern is physical fit with character. Great job!"
I'm not exactly sure what the concern is because based on the description provided in the script {beautiful 18-23 African-American} I'm pretty close to fitting the description...well, I don't know about looking like I'm 18 but I can pull off 23 easily. And therein lies the problem with getting feedback, it makes you wonder about things that you have no control over: Did they want someone taller? Shorter? Thinner? Prettier? Younger? and so on and so forth. Bonnie Gillespie calls this Actor Mind Taffy and she's right. So I decided not to worry about what that middle sentence means and focus on the first & last sentences instead. I gave a good read and I've made a fan out of a new casting director who will most likely call me in again in the future- and really that's what it's all about. Getting the part is just a bonus.

Though 2009 brought me some wonderful opportunities I am more than ready to step into 2010 and all that it will bring! I've deemed 2010 "The Year of the Hustle" so instead of New Year's Resolutions I've decided to create my Top Ten Goals as well as an Action Plan to help me attain them.

Today's my 1 year blog-aversary! Whether you've been reading from the beginning or have just begun to follow this blog recently, I appreciate you all.

The past year brought with it the following accomplishments...

• Moved to California
• Got a nice set of headshots
  
• Booked a supporting role in a short film
• Booked a reality makeover show {that was WAY more fun than I expected!}
• Booked a gameshow
• Lost 6 lbs
  
• Began auditing acting studios to study with
  

Looking at the list above there's not much on there that's going to help me get listed on imdb but hey- you gotta celebrate the small victories. Thanks for sharing my journey and know that we're just getting started! :-)

Just two more days until I finally get to pack my bags, load up the U-Haul and head out west to Hollywood...well, Burbank to be exact.

I have such a range of emotions I'm experiencing right now:

Fear of the unknown...

Relieved that the time has FINALLY come (I have been wanting to move to LA since 2000).

Anxious as I really want to just jump right in & get started working on student films & shorts so that I can begin to get footage for my reel.

Hesitant as I don't want to bite off more than I can chew and really need to get my ducks in a row before putting myself out there. For example, I need to get settled in my new place, register my boys for school & childcare and take new headshots before submitting myself on anything.

And most of all Excitement- I can't use this word enough! I'm EXCITED to be moving to the entertainment capital of the world; EXCITED to dust off these rusty acting skills and enroll in a challenging class; EXCITED to start working on a set instead of in an office; EXCITED to live near beautiful beaches in sunny weather that's lovely rather than hot as he** (i.e. Houston & Las Vegas); and most of all EXCITED that I'll be surrounded by other artists & creative beings who'll be moving & shaking, creating art (whether serious or silly) at every turn and inspiring me along the way.

It seems like it's taken forever just to get to this point and yet I know that this is only the beginning of my journey.

Just 2 more days and this marathon will begin...

• I planned my last wedding at the Chateau Polonez in early March


• Left Houston (my second home) and moved back to Las Vegas


• Had my second child (another beautiful boy) in June
  
• Got hired as a Catering Sales Manager at Aliante Station (my first casino gig) in September
  
• Created my acting blog in November
  
• Joined twitter {www.twitter.com/brandiford}~such an interesting phenomenon
  
• Started blogging about my second love~ event planning, in December {www.glitzandglamourevents.blogspot.com}

Looking back on 2008 I'm thankful for the friends I've made, the opportunities I've been given, the challenges I've overcome and most importantly, the lessons I've learned. While it's been a great year, I am eagerly anticipating the fabulous (and unexpected) things to come in 2009. And of course I'll be sure to post all about it!

So whether you plan to party in a VIP booth, give praise in your church, or stay at home with your family & friends, tonight as you ring in the new year take a moment to reflect on the great things that 2008 brought you and ponder the even greater things that 2009 will surely bring.